Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
