3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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