you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
