I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize