I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
