I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I am mentally ready for anal.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
