I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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