I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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