Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
