I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
