oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
