I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
