I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
