I'm going to jail i love you
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
