I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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