Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize