I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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