sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Dicks are not precious.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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