So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
