my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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