Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
