my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
