Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Tornado booty call.. dedication
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
