There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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