Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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