Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
