dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
