i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize