im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
