Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
