I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize