if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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