im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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