Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
where are you?
Hypothermia
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
