Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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