I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
