you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
