An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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