I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
