i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize