FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
don't judge my taste in strippers
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
