her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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