I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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