I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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