oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
