you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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