he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just blew my weed a kiss
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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