so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
