I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
