my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
