we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
