sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
