After last night, I could never be a politician.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Randomize