I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
