No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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