Your tits are I can't wait for
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
