What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
