I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
