My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
