How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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