I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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