Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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