I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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