I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
