Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
