He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
