3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
